Tuesday, March 13, 2012

At The End of The Rainbow

Nowadays, it seems that it really takes something important to get me to sit down and write a blog post.  At least once a day something happens that I think "hey, that would make an interesting blog entry," but it rarely stays with me long enough to make the effort to write. I've come a long way from when every day I absolutely had to tell my story and get the words swirling in my head down on paper (actually on the screen).  Today, though, I do have some thoughts I want to share. 

I'm at a place mentally where I can honestly say that I see more good from my cancer diagnosis than bad.  I can say this now because I am feeling good and from what we can tell, my body is perfectly healthy.  It's altered and scarred, but healthy. I'm not sick and tired of being sick and tired, which if you ask any cancer patient, is one of the hardest hurtles to overcome.  

I'm at a place where I am completely in love with my life, my husband, my children, my every day routine. I'm the first one up every morning and the last one to bed every night in our household. I gently wake Fisher up every morning for kindergarten, make him a healthy breakfast and send him out the door with Nick (along with kisses for both boys) who drives him to school each day.  I spend my days with Jenny-Jane as we bop among the gym, the grocery store and preschool.  I plan and cook pretty great, if I may say so myself, homemade dinners and even get a chance to watch my Real Housewives or new favorite show Up All Night after tucking the kids into bed.  It's so simple but it's perfect. If you knew me just ten years ago, I'm certain you would never have guessed that this would be the life I now choose to live.

The things which I placed great importance on earlier in life don't even make a blip on the radar.  Travel, money, career and prestige have all gone by the wayside.  Do I think my diagnosis had a hand in this?  Absolutely.  Becoming a mother has also been a tremendous influence on my priorities.  So if you combine cancer and motherhood?  Yikes, that's a powerful formula.

So I've been thinking about all this, and then tonight, I received an email from Fisher's ultra-fabulous teacher, Mrs. Martin.  She says, "Fisher was asked today what he would like to find at the end of the rainbow.  He said without hesitation 'my mom' ".  This is my life's work and my ultimate reward.  My children know they are loved.  

I know I can't control the length of my life, but while I'm here, I am going to stand tall at the end of that rainbow with my arms around my family, which is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

with love and pot of gold,


  1. That is so wonderful - I've missed your musings and for some reason today I clicked on Kick It KiKi - and as per usual your words made me feel warm and fuzzy - especially nice since I had such unfuzzy days of late.
    Love you friend and can't wait to see you soon!


  2. I was thinking of you today and love this post. I face my "fembot" construction tomorrow and wanted to read back on your posting to remind me niot to get too excited. I am so gald you took the time to write all of this...and that You are now where you need to be. I too do not care to sweat the small stuff in my life any more. And reading about your journey has made mine easier. Talk to you Soon! -Alisa (11 months and 2 weeks survivor!)