Sunday, September 11, 2011

One Week and Counting

All smiles before heading to school

Ok, maybe a little nervous

Off she goes!
Can you stand it?  She is such a little spit fire, that Jenny-Jane.  Her first day of pre-school was Thursday and she totally rocked it. She looked cute as a bug in her navy dress, white tennies and Barbie backpack.  I left her happily swinging on the playground and ran to my car for a brief sob.  My little girl!  It was a combination of "my little girl is growing up" and "how lucky I am that I'm well enough to see this day". When I picked her up at noon, sweet Teacher John said she did great and she couldn't spit the words out fast enough about her exciting day. Yay.  

Unfortunately, Jenny-Jane missed her second day of school due to a stomach bug that had me washing sheets, blankets and bunnies, and tossing her into the shower late Thursday night. That same bug kept Fisher in bed all day Saturday and me in bed today.  I think we are all coming around, but it was quite a dreary weekend. The kids shuffled from ipad movies, to tv shows to DVD movies for two days.  I think they kinda liked it.

This little bug was my first true "sick day" since I ended chemo last September.  I told Nick this morning that I now realize how much chemo feels like the flu. Super tired, headache, body aches, lack of appetite and upset stomach.  It actually put me in a bit of a depression.  I did not want to remember how horrible I felt for those five months. And staying in bed most of the day was a memory trigger.  Today and back then, the kids played around me and I just willed myself to feel better.  

My experience today reminds me that I need to start preparing myself mentally for my reconstruction surgery, just one week from Monday.  I will again be in bed on my back and unable to lift my arms for some time.  I really blocked out most of my immediate post surgery life last April, and I'm nervous that I will start remembering all the sadness and pain I endured.  While I'm of course super excited to move forward with this surgery, I'm scared.  I know several women who have needed additional surgeries after their reconstruction because things just didn't look quite right or because of horrible infections or (this is true) the sutures failed to due radiation damage and the implants fell out!! Oh my.  I just have to stay optimistic that all will go well.  All will go well... all will go well.. say it with me, please.

I meet with my plastic surgeon on Thursday for a pre-op review.  I'll write about his take on everything before I head into surgery on Monday.  In the meantime, we've got Jenny-Jane's third birthday to celebrate this Friday where I get to work in her classroom and share birthday treats with her little friends.  Tonight I think I'll focus on Barbie balloons and pink cupcakes to keep my mind off the big stuff. I expect the freaking out to begin Sunday.  Until then, I'll renew my Xanex prescription and start my prune juice pre-op ritual.  No, I'm not kidding, sigh.

Next post I'll need to start thanking the angels around me including Nick's super-sister Wendy who is coming for surgery week to keep our household from imploding, and my NCPG girls who already have a meal delivery schedule in place.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

T-minus 8 days and counting,

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