I just noticed that my last blog entry was my 100th post. Wow, that seems like an awful lot, and quite a milestone. Thank you so much to everyone who has followed my progress these past ten months. Knowing that I am being heard in a forum where I can truly be myself through this wild ride has been invaluable to my well being. Speaking of which, I've been feeling great. As you may have noticed, I've been thinking and writing more about my mental state over the past few months. This post treatment time is definitely the phase where I'm evaluating the big picture, which, as I'm learning, can be almost just as taxing as the physical recovery.
To help me in this endeavor, I've enlisted a real live therapist who I've been seeing on a weekly basis. Me, in therapy. I thought therapy was for the rich and/or crazy. Looks like I may qualify for the latter. So my therapist, Charlie, is a super great guy. He helps me come back to the here and now, to this moment, when I start speculating and fearing future possibilities. I keep getting hung up on things like "should I be writing letters to my children?" and "should I be cleaning out my jewelry drawer?" Which, by the way I actually did today and it was so gratifying and somewhat horrifying. But I digress. I keep asking myself and Charlie if I should start preparing for the practical possibility of an early death. Good ol' Charlie. He keeps me on track by reminding me that everyone should be doing these things, because truly, no one's future is certain.
Then this past Saturday's tragedy hit in Tucson. Charlie was right. Who could have ever imagined that running to the grocery store on a weekend morning could result in six deaths and so many critically injured? Here in Arizona, this story is suffocating. Nick and I both lived in Tucson for five years of college and we shop on a weekly basis at Safeway, the grocery chain where the accident happened. And that horrible killer was brought to Phoenix today, just miles away from our home for arraignment.
I'm not saying that we all need to be scared for our lives, but I am saying that sometimes it takes a therapist, or a tragedy, to remind us to appreciate the here and now. And right now, I want to celebrate this 101st blog entry. I'm so very happy to be here, right now, feeling well and doing one of my favorite things, writing.
Enjoy this moment,