Every December I buy a new daily planner. I bought my new 2011 planner this past week, so tonight I sat down to do what I always do, which is go through the previous year calendar to mark down birthdays and such in the new calendar. Obviously, this past year was rough so I knew what I was getting into, and it was deep. For the first time, I walked through 2010 and watched as the days of my normal life turned into this incredible journey to save my life. It was all documented in my little spiral calendar: the first discovery appointments, actual diagnosis and the multiple phases of treatment. I still can't believe this was and is my life.
So many people have complimented me on my "strength" through all of this, but I never understood what they meant. Now I see it. Literally, I see it in my calendar. Almost every day, there were doctor's visits or procedures. There were family and friends coming and going. Constantly. And through it all, we were raising two little kids, ages 1 and 4 at the time. Holy shit.
My 2010 planner is officially on the shelf. I do not want to carry around all that baggage anymore. My new 2011 calendar is pretty, it's clean and it is cancer free, like me.