Sunday, September 26, 2010

Cancer Girl

Man, it feels good to feel good.  Having weekends off from radiation is such a welcome break.  While I still napped every afternoon with the kids, this weekend I felt energized and strong enough to keep up with family activities.  Unfortunately, it's still 105 degrees here in Phoenix.  What the hell?  It's the end of September.  Seriously, we are so ready for a break in the heat.  Even the evenings aren't cooling down yet.  We tried a little family time in the front yard at dusk tonight but it was still impossibly hot.  It's one of the hardest parts of living in Arizona.  The summers are killers and when they extend past September, we all get a little edgy. (Yes, I'm preparing you for what's to come.)  


Fisher started soccer and had his first practice Friday evening and game Saturday morning.  It is amazing what a year's difference makes. Last season he and his best friend Thomas stood in the middle of the field picking their noses during games, but they are on it this year.  Not only did those two score most of the goals at the game, their team, "The Pirates," actually won!  We were completely shocked and proud.  


I'm a little embarrassed to say what I'm about to say, but here is my place to be honest about what it's like to have cancer.  On Saturday morning, when our little family went to Fisher's game, I totally felt like a freak.  Here we were, joining the 75+ other families on the St. Francis sports fields, and I'm the only bald girl there.  All the other moms are all cute with their pony tails and headbands, and I'm rocking the pale head peaking out from under my ball cap.  I could almost hear the other parents whispering to each other "Oh My God, did you see that mom?  She must have CANCER!"  Yuck.  Kids look at me weird and the parents who brave talking to me are all nicey-nicey.  "So glad you could be here."  "You look great."  "How are you feeling??"  I know in my heart of hearts, they are well intentioned. But it just feels condescending.  I HATE being cancer girl.  I hate it hate it hate it. 


So I know what you're thinking.  "What the hell do I say to her if I see her?  Complements don't seem to be going over well."  Honestly, I wish I could tell you.  I'm just a little whacked when it comes to my self image right now.  Maybe you could just not wash or comb your hair for a few days leading up to our conversation.  Yeah, that might help.


Back to more positive energy, which has really kept me afloat during this ordeal.  I saw my oncologist on Thursday and he said I'm doing perfectly.  I see him again in November and begin my five-year drug, Tamoxifen, which will keep me healthy and cancer free.  Tomorrow I resume my daily radiation and hope I've got another week of being spared any burns.  This Thursday, Nick's lovely Mom, Virginia, joins us from Boston for a long weekend.  And Nick and I are starting to plan our "thank God it's over" vacation in November.  I've truly got a lot to look forward to, especially growing my hair back.  I am NOT going to be cancer girl for long.


With love,
k

4 comments:

  1. virginia (Nick's Mom)September 28, 2010 at 11:12 AM

    Hmmm....Actually, I'll bet those gals were thinking you were still the prettiest one there, hair or no hair! Can't wait to see you all...XOXO

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  2. I second that Virginia. And by the way, I have SEEN some of these baseball moms, and believe me, most of them would be better off without their hair.

    Maybe they were staring at your gorgeously nourished PCA SKIN skin?

    Yes, a shameless plug. Sue me. We NEVER get to talk about ME on here. :)
    And that will always be my favorite subject.
    huh.
    Maybe this is my spot to be totally honest too.

    XOXO,
    Jenn Wild

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  3. Marla Matson-QuattroneSeptember 29, 2010 at 1:08 PM

    Kristin, it's Marla, your former neighbor. Just wanted to let you know that you and your dear family are thought of fondly and often, and that I am so inspired by your beautiful blog. Honest, funny and full of spunk — just like you.

    All shall be well, Marla :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are gorgeous. Hair, no hair; make-up, no make-up; serene, swearing. Whatever. You're beautiful.

    It's a fact.

    ReplyDelete